Monday, November 28, 2011

I'm a Brat.

But God! I don't want to and I'm not going to. You can keep on reminding me, but forget getting anywhere with me because I'm not listening.



Pouting
Courtesy of Flickr: here

You would never voice it, and neither would I. It's harsh, disrespectful, and let's face it, we're scared of lightning. Obviously, hiding our feelings from our omniscient God is a bit ridiculous. He knows, and so does everyone else. Our lives reveal the thoughts that never make it to our lips. Our stubborness wins- we hold our ground, not that we usually view it that way, the fault is letting go is hard.

The season I'm in right now is discouraging at the most and challenging at the least. Many mornings I'm tempted to throw in the towel and give up. I beg and plead with God for a different diretion- a new plan. I pray to Him for strength, but fail to trust His goodness. I trust that His plans are ultimately good, but my eyes glaze over with doubt when I look at my situation. Oh the pity-parties I throw right here at my desk.

The worst part is I'm discouraged even though God keeps putting encouraging verses, blog posts, books, and people in my path. Each one has spoken right to my hearts needs, obviously God appointed for my benefit, resources for the battle. He has left little room for me to question His hand in this season. Remember the "stubborness" we talked about at the beginning of this post? That, my friend, is my downfall. Instead of submitting to His plan, I question the "why" of His will. Why this, God? As if, I have a better plan to stretch me. There are others that have more trying situations than I do.

Don't we get like that? Our focus becomes selfish, or lost in the "if only".

If I was younger, I would...
If I had more money, I would...
If I was married, I would...
If I was single, I would...
If I was a good Writer/Seamstress/Baker/Mathmetician, I would...
If my kids were older, I would...
If my kids were younger, I would...
If I had kids, I would...
If I didn't have kids, I would...

We all have a "If I had/didn't have, I would" scenario that fits the season we live in, and we always will. How does swallowing that pill feel? Yeah, me too.

For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?(Esther 4:14)

Esther has been a friend of mine since I was little. She was couragous, when I would have definitely thrown in the towel. How many times do you think she had to remind herself of Mordecai's words?I like to think she repeated "for such a time as this" to herself on the hardest days.The truth Mordecai spoke to Esther is for us too. Hallelujah! God was sovereign then, and He's sovereign now.

Though I haven't found all the answers, I know they are in Him. I'm blessed that He is gracious enough to send sweet reminders that He knows and cares.

And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?


In His Name,
Jennifer

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is one of my all time favorite posts of yours. Thank you for honesty and speaking to my heart! With pride it's hard to tell which is worse: boasting or pity-parties.

Both are deadly and hinder us from moving forward.

I love you and am praying for you, sister!

Emily :)

Jennifer said...

Emily, you're so sweet. You've been a big encouragement for me in blogging, and in general!

You're right. Pride is has two sides to the coin- boasting and pity-parties.

Thankfully, He is all about moving us out of our messes.

Love you, Emily-lou!