Monday, May 10, 2010

A Rhyme without Reason

Is there a sticker on my head reading STUPID? I'm pretty sure trying to ignore God puts me on the list of Stupidest People in the World. I spent all weekend trying to ignore God. Actually, it started before the weekend. It was this weekend that it became a conscious effort.

You heard *read* me right. I tried to ignore the God of the universe: my king, savior, friend, and all-KNOWING God. Smart, I know....

Let me rewind and tell you the background to this story:
I applied for a job a while back. It was a job that sounded exciting and fun, but hard. It was also two and a half hours from my house. Sure, I have been looking forward to moving back to my home town, but it sounded cool. Time passed and I didn't hear anything. That all changed Friday. I received a phone call saying they were processing my application and they wanted to be sure I was still interested. I told them I was. On the outside I was calm and collected. On the inside I was scream "NO!"and "BUT GOD!" and "This isn't what I want"...You know the drill.
Now, to the stupid part *as if the previous whining was smart*. I thought, more subconsciously than consciously at first, that if I ignored God He wouldn't be able to make me go/do something I didn't want to do. STUPID!! Yes, I am graduating college. I just lack common sense sometimes.
Of course, ignoring God has not worked for me. Instead, I feel like a huge gap of confusion and frustration is between me and my friend. Why?....there is...but it will be filled with grace and mercy that will draw me back to His feet.
I'm still struggling. However, God is faithfully pushing through the junk and piercing this heart. I don't know if my angst against this job is fear or discernment. One thing I'm certain it is is a lack of trust. I have failed to trust that He knows best, that He cares about my desires, and that He isn't the bad guy. ahhhhh
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6.
So simple. A sweet promise.
In His Name,


1 comment:

some call me Becky said...

girl, I know! I ignored him for a YEAR about this! a whole year!!! all my crying and whining about "not knowing what to do" and the whole time He was saying "um... I already told you." what a silly girl I am.