Monday, October 4, 2010

Ready, Aim, Fire

There are some days in my life when I feel like I'm going to drown in my doubt. My mind is so gripped by fear that I can't seem to pray. I realize in those moments that if I could just push through the fog of my fears and doubts, I could find peace.

These "foggy" days seem to always come when something new, exciting, and different comes into my life. I'm easily haunted by fear in the mist of change. Looking back at every big change in my life, I can remember the overwelming presence of fear.

Well, I officially started my new job Friday ***Praise God!!!***. Of course, that morning I woke up to a cloud of fear> fear of the unknown, fear of my inabilities, and fear of weakness.

Fear is a funny thing. It can creep in to your life and leave you paralyzed. I know for everyone fear is a different enemy. The attack method changes with personality. I am also perfectly aware that fear is not capable of doing the attacking; but rather, fear is the weapon the enemy uses. He knows what brings me down. The enemy is familiar with all my doubts, my weak spots and he has perfect aim.

In these moments of complete attack, I feel defeated, but I'm still able to hold on to the Truth **in Faith**. Eventually, God blows the fog over and everything seems clear again. My Faith muscles are suddenly a little bit stronger and I realize my Refuge pulled through one more time.

My new job is going to be a crazy experience, most definitely a mission field, and a great opportunity for growth. I am one of the only Christians and my reputation has already been set as the "religious" girl. One day they'll realize I'm more than just a religious girl, but that I'm a Christian *one step at a time*. It is going to be fun. I will probably be recording some of the soap opera moments on here for laughs.

The moral of the story: Faith needs time to be stretch. I may hate that Satan is aware of my weakness, but in reality his attacks only make me stronger. His loss. ;)

In His Love,



some call me Becky said...

girl I am in the exact same place right now! I started a new job last week and almost quit after 2 days because of fear... like you, I am (at least from what I can tell so far) the only Christian. it is ROUGH. Psalm 34 and 37 get me through every day.

Jeff said...

I have read your blog before and want to comment again, today our sermon was on us being the light of the world wherever we are placed. Just share the you that you are in Jesus and I am sure all will turn out well.
I have not pressed my blog much but I really want to get more serious with it. Please stop in sometime and leave a comment. God Bless

Jennifer said...

Becca, The morning you wrote this. I read psalm 37. God is so cool. :)