Wednesday, November 14, 2012

I Messed Up. Again.

Untitled
Courtesy of Flickr: here
I messed up, and I don't want to forget the feeling. I do it a lot actually. Praying, Lord, break my heart for what breaks yours, while adding, but please not outside of my comfort zone. I was leaving Walmart heading home. To help paint the picture, I'll tell you I wasn't in the driver's seat. There they were. A family of four. Two small youngins at their side. The sign read of a need for money. With no cash, I felt myself panic. I had to do something. The person in our passenger seat had a five. That should work. Not for me. I knew I could do more. Run into Walmart. Put some money on a card. The thought ran circles around my mind. I wasn't coward enough not to mention the plan. But with little excitement from the crew, I backed down.

As the car continued down the road, my heart broke. I had the chance. The plan was simple enough. Yet, there I was riding home having done nothing. Sure, I spoke up. They weren't opposed, simply not enthusiastic. So, why did I not insist? What held me back?

How many times had I done that. I can't count them on my fingers. They are too numerous. Why? Uh, I frustrate myself. I am a coward, but this coward is praying, Lord don't let me forget their faces. I want to remember every time I've kept driving. No, I'm not a glutton for punishment. I just want to remember the sorrow I felt, hoping next time I'll do better. Even now, I could cry knowing I could have done more on so many occasions when I did nothing.

Let's not keeping driving by, walking by, or even looking by. I'm not sure, but I'm guessing you've probably been here too. Can we vow to do better?

Your friend who messed up,

Jennifer

2 comments:

Charissa Steyn said...

Spoke to my heart...as I have really been convicted about this too. Reading Heidi Baker's book, Compelled by Love, it's amazing...she talks about how love is "stopping for the one" So powerful!!

Jennifer said...

I have too, Charissa! I'm going to have to get that book. I want to be better at "stopping for the one". By the way, you little man is so precious!