Y'all tonight I'm so full of passion...how come the flame can so easily die out only to return with a vengence when fanned?
Tonight at BCM(Baptist Collegiate Ministries) the soccer coach and his wife talked about purity. This is a side note and y'all may think I'm crazy, but I believe that one day I will share my life with a man and we will share our story with teenagers. Now, I'm not sure exactly how that story will look.
Okay I said this was a side note. I think I lied...allow me to veer off the path I was taking just a little. I am twenty-one and have been single my whole life minus like first grade, which lasted like a day. hahaha! Anywho, it was by choice and not by choice. I always grew up believing there was a man out there that God created for me and I didn't want anyone else. I didn't always live like there was no one else. Well, years went by and so did my crushes. The ones I liked never liked me back. (shucks) But hey, the ones I weren't interested in sure were interested in me. However, I always said I would never settle. Now, I don't know that the first guy I ever date will be the one, but as cautious as I am, I pretty sure he will be. ( I believe that decision is based on conviction.) What I do know is that my love life, existent or not, is in His hands. Cause I put it there. It is truly a struggle for me. I can say all day I put it in His hands. I can spend twenty-one years dateless, but am I still settling? I think for me in a lot of ways I am. I settle in my heart and mind daily. I see guys on campus who may have a quality I look for in a future mate and HERE WE GO! I begin to dream and plan. NOT GUARDING MY HEART(Prov 23:4) My BIGGEST Weakness!!! So, no matter how much I tell you I've waited. Trust me I haven't been as patient as I should.
Now, back to my story. I believe I was at the part about the couple speaking at BCM on purity. Well, neither of them waited. They each told there testimony and then together talked to us about purity on all plains- emotional, physical, and spiritual. It was great. It really gave me the desire to step it up with my purity. I'm not content and I believe it is something God has convicted me over and over on in my life. I keep praying, "Lord, I can't do it on my own" and I know God knows I can't. HOWEVER, He is telling me that I need to get it in gear and do my part. You see, I've been lazy about this thing. I've allowed myself to dream when God said "NO". Even though I believe dreaming is fun and I don't think it's a bad thing. But God sees my heart and it's not good for me right now and I'm a dreamer. God is saying, "I know what you desire and NEED more than you do and...Guess What?...It would make me very HAPPY to give it to you....However, I also have this thing called timing...it's quite important...So maybe you could focuse on me and put me first. THEN...when the time is RIGHT...he's yours!" I love making up God conversations because it makes you think about what He would actually say. :)
Anyway, God's working in my life in ways I'll never understand, but I'm trusting and believing in His wonderful promises. Please pray for my beautiful friend her and her boyfriend. They just broke up. It is difficult for both of them and difficult for me because I'm close to both of them. Add living on a VERY small campus to that and it equals no fun!
I love you guys and appreciate everything!
In His Name,