Today I am thinking about the younger me> the fifteen year old me. I was awkward/shy/loud/scared/confident. How could I have been so many contrasting things at once? I think the answer lies in that age- fifteen. For you that age may have been younger or older. But you know THAT age I'm talking about. The age we would all like to forget> the Awkward Stage. For me it was 10-15. That is five YEARS of awkwardness. I was fifteen when I started coming out of the awkward stage. Of course, it took me about a year to escape. That could explain why at fifteen I was full of many contrasting emotions. I was changing, at a slow pace, but changing all the same.
I wonder how my fifteen year old self would feel about me now. Am I who I thought I would be? Would I be disappointed to see how my life is unfolding?
The answers to these questions are complicated. I think she would say "yes and no" to both questions. She thought I would be well on my way to marriage at 22. I mean Hello!, marriage takes place right out of college, duh!! She just knew life would make since at the WONDERFUL age of 22. She would be surprised to know that on May 15th, the day I graduate, I will be moving back home to live with my parents to save money. She would be appalled to know that I am single with no prospects- OUCH. Inspite of everything she would be disappointed over, I think she would be incredibly proud> Proud to know that she has grown in Christ, Proud to know she is okay with her single status and loneliness doesn't creep up as often as it did at fifteen, Proud to see that I am still very close to the family we love, Proud to meet the new friends I have made, Proud to see the old friends we shared that I have kept around. Yep, she would be proud!!
I don't miss being fifteen! Things were crazy then. I do, however; love revisiting my fifteen year old self and realizing I turned out okay.
In His Name,