Wednesday, December 15, 2010

I've Already Named My Babies, But I'm Single: My Story

My aim is not for this to be a sappy "I hate my single status" post. Instead, I want to be honest with the world *at least the bloggy world* about me. Being vulnerable is not my favorite thing this side of Heaven, but I do understand the importance of someone sharing who he/she is. Tonight, I am that someone. I'm sure you, if you have EVER read my blog before, you have a pretty decent idea of who I am. All the same, there is much I have never shared.

This post may be deleted tomorrow! *I'm kidding...I think* ;)

First off, the title is a pretty excellent description of me. Okay Okay. Not exactly. I have not named my unborn children; I have only collected names over time that I love. *wink*

I'm single. I often leave out in casual conversations that I have never been in a relationship. You could see why I would leave that out. Before you start picturing a lame, nerdy homeschooler. *P.S. I was homeschooled* Let me state my case. God has convicted my heart from a young age to let Him have the reigns, specifically, in that area of my life. I have done my best to honor that conviction and to keep my heart wide open to Him. The problem is I have often kept my heart wide open to men too. *guilty* You may be surprised, you may not, to know that one can stay single and fail miserably at "guarding" his/her heart. That's a piece to my story.

Marriage, a family, it's been my life long dream. *I promise you I do not exaggerate when I say that* As a little girl, I was obsessed with brides. I'm not kidding. It could definitely be considered an obsession, that and red headed barbies, but that's a different story. I loved bride barbies, bride dolls, and bride paper dolls. (My nana would buy me bridal magazines when I was around seven for me to cut paper dolls out of) See, I wasn't kidding. My baby dolls made up the family I dreamed of one day having; and of course, my imaginary husband was gorgeous. ;)

Motherhood was the goal. A career? Psh! Being a nurse was my ritualistic answer to the "what do you want to be when you grow up question?". I don't really know why. I only thought of having a family. But you never heard anyone give "a mom" as an answer to that question. *I want to interject here and say that I am in NO way implying that being a mom and having a career can not be successfully done at the same time. That argument has absolutely nothing to do with what I'm talking about here* I didn't know I could say, "I don't really have any career ambitions outside the home". My story continues...I'm twenty three and obsessed with brides, babies, and all things family oriented. I do have ambitions outside the home. Those ambitions are wrapped within my life passions. I'll save that for another time.

You may have noticed that the dreams/desires that are so much a part of me, that have been from a young age, have yet to happen. I'm single, no babies, and no plans of a wedding in the near future.

Yep, that's me; that's my life.

How do I feel about that? Well, it depends on the day. :)

I wish every day I could say, "I feel great! I am content and happy knowing God knows". There are a lot of days where I feel that way, days that hold grace. Other days I feel rejected and forgotten by the author of my life story. That is the case with every person. Life is full of good days and bad days. Spiritual journeys are made of moments of content and moments of doubt.

I KNOW my God is good and His plans are good.

That's all of my story I want to share right now. I will write a Part II to fill you in on my passions. I think every day I'm a little more aware of God's design in my life.

In His Love,


Amy said...

oh yes..watching 'say yes to the dress' caused me to go on the other day..I already have some idea of what I want in a dress ;)

some call me Becky said...

I still make up answers to avoid saying "I just want to be a good wife and Mama, and serve Christ in the ways He's designed me for." It's tough.

...and Amy, I did the exact same thing!!

Jeff said...

Hi Thank you so much for your reply, I would say to you the same thing I said to my own daughter, the right guy is out there and you will find him or he will find you, God is so good he will not let you down. Have an awesome Christmas ( I think you have inspired me to do a "my story" on my blog)

Anonymous said...

Bless you for your openness and transparency! May the Lord continue to guide and direct you and may He give you all that your heart desires!

Stephanie said...

Jen, I think your desire for marriage and family is precious. I don't know the plans God has for your life, but I think He's planted those dreams in your heart for a reason.

I'm 26 and am in a relationship for the first time EVER, and I don't regret at all being "picky" and waiting for God's timing and choice for me. (although there was definitely some past drama around a few different guys - wondering if God was working something out there, dealing with disappointed hope, etc)

So I guess what I'm trying to say is remain hopeful and expectant! I know God has good things for your future.