Monday, May 9, 2011

A Little Off Balance?

"But godliness with contentment is great gain." 1 Timothy 6:6

I'm starting to pray more seriously about my life- Am I where I'm suppose to be or doing what I'm suppose to be doing? I have noticed that I'm at the point where I'm "going through the motions" and that's it. In college, I was challenged to get out of my comfort zone. There were opportunities of service and adventure. I took some and some I left behind, but there were choices. Choices dwindle when you work eight to five with no vacation time. At least that has been my thinking.

 Before graduation last year,  I prayed intently about what I was suppose to do with my life. I was desperate for direction. A life change like graduation will do that to your prayer life. I knew that I wanted to move home. *I believed and still believe that that's exactly what God wanted me to do* But moving home did not lead to all that I thought would come. May 16th 2010 was suppose to be the day my "adult" life started. You know, the one where you get the big girl job, find the man, and start the family so you can quit the big girl job. That's the one...My prayers were laced with the desire to please Him, but I was a little off in my "seeking" direction. My heart was in the right place, but my mind was not. In my heart I was determine to follow Him, while my mind was focused on what I wanted. Thankfully, God looked at my heart.

A year later, I'm employed, living at home, and a little complacent. I'm comfortable in my job and in living at home, even if they are not the ideal scenario. I've quit asking God to show me my heavenly purpose on the job. My eternity motives became more of a "let's just make it through this day" focus.

This post may seem a little awkward. First, you read 1 Timothy 6:6 about contentment. I tell you I'm praying about the direction my life should take. I reminisce about my college days of opportunity. Lastly, I admit my life isn't going as planned. I'm praying about moving forward and quoting verses of contentment, while admitting I'm complacent. Sounds a little off balance, right?  Yep, I'm confused. Not really, it all goes together. Give me a second....

I read 1 Timothy 6:6 a few days ago and it hasn't left me yet. It has accomplished what the Truth should always do- it has changed me. Think about what it says contentment + godliness = great gain. Maybe this doesn't hit you the way it hit me. I was stunned by the simplistic yet powerful impact of that one sentence. It was a couple of days after I read this verse that I began to be convicted about my complacency. I felt like I was supposed to be praying about what God wanted me to be doing, whether that was in my current situation or not. I also knew that I should be content in all circumstances. Seems confusing, but in reality it makes perfect sense. Yes, I am suppose to be content. But not so comfortable that I'm doing the day to day with no thought of God's plan. In my contentment, I need to seek Him. It's about my relationship with my Savior.

I have to ask myself, Am I using each moment to glorify God no matter where I am? and Am I praying for His direction with a willingness to go where he leads? That's the balance: being content to be used where I am and praying about what that should look like, while always seeking His direction.

Simple enough...yeah right ;) Phil 4:13

In His Name,
Jennifer

No comments: