The inches had turned to miles, or at least that is what our relationship felt like. I knew it would only be for a season, but all the same, that was the season we were in. So when I read that the topic for Faith Barista Jam was Whitespace topic: Share a moment you felt close to God recently, I immediately decided that I would have to skip this week's jam. Honestly, how could I post about feeling close to God when I felt more like we were in a tug-of-war? It was decided. I would not be joining this week's jam.
Then today happened.
Without sharing many details, I will say ("write") that there was a possibility of a change in my life that I was hopeful about. *No not a relationship! C'mon guys* Anywho, I was excited, and I felt myself running ahead of the situation. But I knew that that was not healthy. I prayed wholeheartedly for God's will in the situation. My first desire was to be in His will. I've seen the unpleasant nature of being outside of the will of God, that was not my desire. Plus, I love Him, and I want to be where He wants me.
In my prayers, God still felt distant. I was looking to Him to prepare me for the disappoint that may have been around the corner. And I was confident He would be there to help me whether the experience was positive of negative.
I was right. There was disappointment...He was there. The situation, though disappointing, was also promising, which leads me again to a place of trust and reliance.
Today was a mix of emotions and realities. God met me in both. He held my hand and my heart. All the situation required was trust. I don't have answers but I have hope.
I wish I could say that as soon as I hit "publish" this trust issue will heal itself. Alas, that's not the way this relationship works. But I serve a God that is a healer. He mends my heart, my soul, and my relationship with Him.
Healthy human relationships are worth every minute of effort. Our relationship to God is no different. It isn't easy to trust God when all you hear is silence and all you see is chaos.Trusting God only when things are wonderful is not fair. It's not faith. Thankfully, He is always faithful.
I pray you find Him faithful today.
In His Name,