Women, Their God, and Their Struggles- Rebecca at "She Becomes"

When Jennifer first asked if I would like to write a guest post for her blog series I felt honored and excited to take part in her beautiful corner of the internet. And then I realized that she wanted me to share about struggle, and I freaked out a little. I knew if I said yes to writing this it would mean one of two things:

Either I would write a half-hearted, feel good, put-on-a-happy-face post to make you all believe I'm okay and struggle is cool and that everything is just fine...

Or...

God would use this to break me a little and get ugly real about life.

I'm gonna shoot for the latter.

It could be the fact that I will be turning 30 in a few short weeks and life is nothing at all how I had thought or hoped it would be.

But now, more than ever, life is a struggle.

It seems as though the dam has busted, and all of the devil's lies are crashing over me. I try to hold my breath but as I gasp for air I swallow mouthfuls. They force their way cold through my body as

"You're not good enough."

"You're dirty."

"Don't you remember what you did?"

"You hear those whispers? You know what they're saying about you."

"They don't really love you"

"You'll never know that kind of love."

"Your desires are too good for you."

"All your friends are busy with husbands and wives and children and careers. Their worlds are spinning and moving around you. Why are you so stuck and alone?"

It seems like 30 is the age by which respect has been gained. Identities have been secured. Life is well in process and those dreams are well on their way to being realized.

But now, more than ever, I find myself struggling with my worth.

I have always been independent and confident, and maybe even a little courageous. But lately I am stripped of these securities.

In my vulnerability I so easily believe the lies and forget who I am: a child of the King.

I hear the lies and I know they are just that. I don't understand why I am here in this season. Why believe the lies when I know they are lies? There is much in this life that I don't understand. But, I take heart in knowing that I don't have to understand to have faith. I just have to remember (and believe) that

He is God; and I am not.

Faith is believing that God sent his Son to this crazy mad world as human. He suffered and struggled and died for me: for us. He was here. He walked in these shoes. And he gets it

He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem. Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

For reasons beyond my understanding, He was willing to come to this world and feel my struggle. He was willing to suffer. He was willing to die.

You see, being God, He knows something I don't.

He knows everything I don't.

And knowing all this, He says we are worth it, and life is worth it. Even in Especially in the seasons of struggle.

And this faith I hold onto tells me that He is right.

From his suffering and through his death we find new life. I find REDEMPTION.

This doesn't make life easy. It doesn't take away the struggle. It doesn't make me forget my mistakes.

But it does give me an identity of great worth which no one and no thing can take away.

 

My name is Rebecca, and my heart has been captured by the poor and by children with special needs. I am passionate about all children having the opportunities and support that they need to meet their full potential and live out their dreams. I love traveling with a purpose, loving on the least of these, hiking, my dog, and anything that appeases the adventure junkie deep within. When the mood strikes, I share my thoughts and stories of this great pursuit for "more of Him and less of me" over at She Becomes, where you are always welcome to stop by and say hi.