No Answers

Courtesy of Flickr: here

We are one month and seventeen days into this year. Already 2012 has taken its toll on this girl. "Meekness" hangs over my head, but just out of my reach. The last 48 days have been full of good, exciting things, while I've simultaneously walked through a spiritually dry season. I'm hesitant to write about this season. I don't want to be Debbie-Downer on this God-ordained beautiful day. However, I never want you guys to think that my life is all sunshine and tulips (my favorite flower), or on the flipside, that my life is just one long valley.

Like you guys, I have valley and mountains- good times and hard times.

What I want to say here is that God is teaching me things in the dark. I just haven't figured out what those lessons are yet. It feels more like He is MIA.

One area that you find me weakest is in my emotions. When I'm anxious, nervous, guiltridden, or scared, I have the hardest time standing on truth. Obviously that's when I need it the most.

Truth:

Anxious: Be careful for nothing {Anxious}; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6, empahsis mine).

Guilty: There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:1-2).

Fear: Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness (Isaiah 41:10).

There's a firm foundation of Truth, but a lot times you can find me standing on shaky ground. You know why I think that is? I think it's because I'm focused on me and not my Savior- my perfector.

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God (Hebrews 12:1-2).

I don't know. I'm still "settled" in this dry season, still unsure of what God is doing, and still struggling to know (with my mind) that He is listening. I do not have answers.

This morning I was reading a friend's blog, and she took the words right out of my mouth. Click the link to read her post. Basically, we both have a "need" to wrap up posts with nice big bows, neatly sealed. But sometimes we only have questions without answers. There are many times I don't write because I'm simply in the searching phase. Maybe you need to walk through that phase with me.

Today I'm blogging even in this questioning phase. I don't have answers. There is no neat bow for the "what if"s...yet. There is, however, One who does. And so I seek Him.

In His Name,
Jennifer